Thursday, December 25, 2014
The Day I Was Caught In A Lie
Before we proceed, please look to the right, at the picture from 1978.
About a year after that picture came The Lie, which I've detailed here before,
but it's been a while, and there may be fresh(er) eyes reading this to whom it would be new.
(Don't laugh-it could happen!)
NOW I can understand all that was going on, but at the time: no way was up, all was confusion and I was failing at life.
God was after me.
He was piercing my conscience through with many arrows, and I felt that I was not going to make it.
I fought. I wanted nothing to do with God. But...
I had Christian friends that were praying, writing to me, witnessing to me, who told me that
God loved me.
I didn't feel loved-I felt troubled, as if my whole world was falling apart, that there was no hope.
I had grown up in a Lutheran church, but felt that was a sham-I never saw God there, just
well intentioned hypocrisy.
I did know a few Scriptures; one that tore right through me:
25“For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
26“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? Matthew 16:25-26
This wasn't taught in the Lutheran church-we were told that we were confirmed as Christians
BY the church, and that we were headed to Heaven.
I wished to save my own life, but that just wasn't happening.
I KNEW I was headed to hell no matter what the Pastor recited over us each Sunday.
I was running from God, from 'what does it profit a man', from the reality that God existed.
And God was patiently working on me, bringing me to the point where I would no longer trust in my flawed self righteousness, but instead seek Him.
It was in Sault Ste Marie, Michigan that I sought out a bookstore, hoping to find some Science Fiction or Fantasy to escape into, where I could hide from Him.
Shopping mall bookstore, near closing time, empty except for the owner.
It took less than a minute inside for me to realize that it was a Christian book store.
The owner, a genial man, engaged me in small talk for a bit before he asked "The Question":
"I assume that you are a Christian, right?"
I looked him in the eye and said, "Yes I am".
In my heart I knew it was a lie.
He cheerfully said something about it being a special time of year, and I realized that it was near what I then called 'Easter'.
I nodded and got out of there quickly, having added one more sin to the pile on my heart.
It wasn't long after that when I finally DID give up and turn to God, and my life was saved
not because I was good, but because God Is.
I'm pretty sure that I will see that book store owner in Heaven.
I hope to see you there, too.