Friday, October 31, 2008

Clap For Tinkerbama, Kids! Clap Clap Clap!

It’s hard not to laugh at every political this’n’that coming down the information superhighway ka-nown as the Internets. We have all measure of persons, some less sincere, some taking all of this more seriously than is warranted, who add to Babel, myself included. I’m part of either the problem or the solution, as I spill me personal beans about Election 2008. It’s all fun, folks, and please don’t wear distress on your sleeve or your heart. It’s only an election. It will all be over, except for the weeping and gnashing of teeth, next Tuesday.
At this millisecond of time, nothing you can do or say will change the outcome. Remember the Serenity prayer:
“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I Cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference…”
Don’t worry about what you can’t change, friends. One of the two candidates will win. If it’s your candidate, cool. If it’s the other
I laugh, and I feel better. You can’t see the grin on my face right now, but it’s there.
I love hearing that the election is already over, that Obama has won.
I love hearing about how Sarah Palin is going to cost McCain the election.
I love hearing Obama praised from Coast to Kos.
I love that McCain is constantly tied to George Bush.
I love hearing about the horror stories about the 8 years of the Bush Presidency.
Why? Here we go, in reverse order:
These have been a GREAT 8 years, and George Bush has been a great President!
McCain should be so lucky as to be tied to the success of George Bush.
The praise for Obama is generated by Team Obama, and is as sincere as the praise lauded on John Kerry four years ago.
Sarah McCain may very well be the deciding factor which wins victory for the Republicans. She is that impressive, and will make a great President someday.
The ones saying that the election is over are trying to wish their dream into reality. Also...whether it be politics or pool or any other competitive activity, one rule rings true:
Never listen to your opponent.
Garry Trudeau has already submitted his ‘Doonesbury’ comic for next Wednesday, which declares that Obama has won the election. I can’t help but laugh. So should you, often.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Petra The Vote

I can’t help it. The attraction/repulsion going on right now in my head. I’m sick of the politics, and yet am drawn to post about it, to detail McCain‘s victory over socialism.
This election is so Hideous as to be utterly fascinating, at least for six more days.
Like baseball, this is a game of anticipation-you’ve seen it all before, you know the score…but you can’t help but watch to see what happens next.
I think we’ve had three or four “October Surprises” which would have stunned the country in earlier elections…but with our present information overload barely have time to be acknowledged.
I missed Obama’s half hour of fun tonight, the infomercial of ‘Change’. Has he yet gotten around to humbly asking for votes? He does humble about the same way Hillary does funny.
I mention McCain’s victory over socialism. Actually, he’s the front man for those of us who consider socialism a threat to Democracy, who see Obama as a Socialist who would have attempted to ruin this country, if he were to win the White House.
As I’ve stated here and elsewhere: Obama doesn’t stand a chance of winning. There is no way that he will convince a majority of Americans that he would make a better President than John McCain, or even Kwame Kilpatrick.
Al Franken has a better chance of being chosen Pope than Obama does becoming President.
The Democrats deserved a better candidate, (so did we!), but were stuck, for the second straight election, with an untenable nominee. This is what happens when you allow the far Left to control your party. By the way-in case you haven’t noticed, the far Right has been kicked to the back of the bus in this election. We’re not in charge, which is why we have John McCain instead of a true Conservative about to become President. I’ll just be happy with the win-that and Norm Coleman defeating Al Franken. Too much to dream? Dream BIG, friends!
Wait, I’m not done yet!
Obama may have trouble retaining his Senate seat after the Federal Elections Commission investigates his campaign in tandem with the FBI looking into Acorn. It’s considered a strong possibility that RICO racketeering charges may be leveled at Acorn for nationwide voter registration fraud. Obama’s hands appear clean only because he has had to scrub scrub scrub away any possible connection to Acorn. Too bad for him that that relationship is well documented. {Hint-lies told on the campaign trail do not disappear once the election is over.}
Here are two words whispered, but never said aloud within the hearing of Obama:
‘Voter Apathy’.
He’s a magnificent orator, but when not speechifyin’ he’s as exciting as Larry King on a slow night. In McCain’s victory speech he should shout out to the youth of America who failed to vote for the 43rd election in a row. Also, McCain should thank the Clinton faithful who crossed party lines to vote with their heads instead of their hearts.

Monday, October 27, 2008

How Barack Obama Lost The Election

I’m not a prophet, and God isn’t the one telling me about “The One”. I claim only the power of observation, with discernment and a bucket full of common sense, that lovely rain which doesn’t seem to fall on all peoples equally.
Eight days from now, common taters from pundits to dits will be declaiming about why Obama failed. I’m just among the early birds at this rummage sale; in the next week you will read this same post-mortem expressed elsewhere, though possibly not as colorfully.
Well, if I’m an early bird, on to the worms:
BHO lost the election before it was hardly begun. The brazen impunity of a half term Senator announcing that he intended to elbow his way to the head of the line was foolishness squared and cubed.
The nay-sayers stated that he lacked experience-his answer was to ignore the nay sayers.
BHO lost the election when it was discovered that his past was a closed book, locked in a box, hidden in the back of his closet, covered by fog.
The sanitized self pent persona meant to take its place is as false as Madonna’s Brit accent. Even those in his camp recognize a fake-they just don’t care.
BHO lost the election when he reneged on his promise to accept federal funds. On that day his campaign went from one willing to be constrained by funding limits all candidates had honored…to a bunco bank, printing money, becoming a behemoth of cash.
The McCain-Feingold Act was supposed to rid elections of all the ‘soft money’. Instead it sent the soft money underground, and many of the subversive cash subway trains stopped at the BHO Station.
BHO lost the election when he snubbed his competitor, Hillary Clinton. She has had much practice as ‘a woman scorned’ and, by excluding her, BHO has made an enemy with a long memory. A long memory and many faithful voters who would rather sit on their hands than help him get elected.
BHO lost the election when his third choice for Vice President said yes. Joe Biden is the anti-Hillary: where she has millions of fans, and was able to fill stadiums, Joe has a Senate staff and a constituency of faithful Bidenites from one of the smallest states in the union. If he were not on the Democratic ticket, Joe Biden couldn’t draw a crowd at a supermarket giving away pizza samples.
BHO lost the election every time he and Joe Biden have opened their mouths. They can’t even lie with grace. If BHO isn’t denigrating one segment of the populace to another more enlightened, intellectual segment, Senator Joe Biden is creating nightmare scenarios…starring BHO… out of the whole cloth of his limited imagination.
BHO lost the election because a personality cult does not a President make. By making it all about BHO and not about USA, he hasn’t given anyone reason to vote for him aside from his own wonderfulness. BHO is quite adept at pointing fingers and accusing others, making them look bad to make himself look better, but that’s not leadership. That’s a character flaw.
BHO lost the election by becoming George Bush. Not the actual President, but the oft-hated “W”, which sprung forth from the minds of Leftists everywhere:

Unwilling to listen to complaints about his team.
Unwilling to deviate from failed policies and ideologies.
Unwilling to admit to making mistakes.

You may quote me. Or you may not…but thank you for reading this far.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Palate Cleanser

Too much too lately about the P-word that ends with ‘tics’. You know the one I mean. Banished! Booted to the outer darkness, at least for one post. Mention no more that dreaded word.
So-no World Series last night, meaning that I burned a few hours of vay-kay for no good reason. What did I end up doing? Watching Ghosthunters shows. It’s like the best buttery popcorn of TV-absolutely no nutritional value, but tasty. I love the pomposity of the Ghost hunting teams, so secure in their knowledge, as when the Leader points at some electrical doo-hickey and pronounces the presence of ‘visitors from the other side’.
It’s golden, friends. Some Ghostbuster Wannabe shouts to an empty room, “Show us if you are here!” then, if something IS heard, they go into Robert Altman mode, talking over each other AND the evidential noise:
“Did you heat that? DID YOU HEAR THAT?”
“Yeah-it sounded like it was coming from that wall!”
“Did you hear that?”
-this exchange is usually repeated seven times in 30 seconds; by then the spirit has given up on trying to break into their conversation and moved on.
This is great Television! The night vision green, overused to absurdity, looks cool, especially the eyes of the “Ghost Hunters”.
You can tell that they are scientists, because they have the absolute latest digital audio/video equipment, heat sensors, EMF detectors…and at least one Psychic.
A Ghost Hunting team without a psychic would be like a TV doctor without a stethoscope.
You’ve got to have someone along who can sense ‘presences’. Just to confirm the data from the electric doo- hickeys.
I won’t burden you by rehashing my ghost experiences-I’ve written about them before-if you go to my archives from previous Octobers, you can be a ghost stories hunter.
I love it when the Ghost Hunters include in their band of heroes neophytes whose only purpose is to scream and run. The stalwart investigators who have trespassed in many haunted places would look out of character if they ran screaming like little girls, so they get some young woman to carry a night vision green camera focused on her face as she pinballs through tunnels and hallways.
If you happen to miss a moment of their collected ‘evidence’ fear not…they will replay each bit 117 times.
“Did you heat that? DID YOU HEAR THAT?”
“Yeah-it sounded like it was coming from that wall!”
“Did you hear that?”
Yup. What else you got, Cap’n?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Sour Giggles

The sour giggles, or: Obama Became President And All I Got Left Is This Lousy T-Shirt.

The heart of Socialism is class warfare: pitting them against us, us against them, and never Mark Twain shall I meet. I see class warfare as fraudulently, patently, False. It’s the Christian in me.
Why should I care if someone makes more money than I do? Why should I agitate against successful people? Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? “I’m mad at you because you have more!”
That is right up there with: “My life didn’t turn out the way I wanted! I’m unhappy, and you should be unhappy too!”
I’m a Christian; the more I learn about God, the less impressed I am with Man and his machinations.
Some have been blessed with wonderful gifts from God, such as a beautiful singing voice (Hi le!) or athletic ability, or even the gift of putting words in enough order to make sense when read. But we are all just men and women. We ARE equal!
George Clooney makes millions of dollars per movie. Chipper Jones won the National League Batting title.
Why should I envy either of these gentlemen their success? Because I can’t switch hit or open movies?
Because they make more money in a day than I will in a decade of work?
Money doesn’t impress me. I measure success as having become a Christian, one of God’s children. That matters. That is the most successful accomplishment possible, and any child presented with the Gospel,
moved by God’s Spirit can achieve it. I’m talking about success that carries over into eternity.
I’ve said it before: Bill Gates is rich in this world, but if he isn’t one of God’s children, he’s dirt poor living in rags.
Look at this snark put forth as a reason we should vote the Democrats in: Big Oil made money during the years of the Bush administration.
They made it during the Clinton years also. And all the previous eras. Duh. It’s a profitable industry, employing millions of people around the world, making possible for everyone from gas station attendants to CEOs to make a living. If I’m happy for the gas station attendants, why shouldn’t I be happy for the CEOs?

If I were to play the Democrat game, I should be envious of Barack Obama because he has made millions of dollars… for doing nothing more than pointing fingers and complaining about others. Talk about windfall profits!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Filling That Hiatus: The Sequel

A slow political day, which suits me just fine. Senator Obama has gone to Hawaii to visit his ailing Grandmother, which is commendable-I hope that she feels better soon. His is not the hiatus I’m posting about; this is all JBiden, I mean Senator Jim…look! He even has ME making mistakes!
Joltin’ Joe Biden, Washington’s straight from the lip, watch him trip, making sweat drip quip machine.
He’s been taken out of service, even though every moment counts between now and Election Day.
His most recent off-script brilliant thought: “Mark my words,” the Democratic vice presidential nominee warned at the second of his two Seattle fundraisers Sunday. “It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy. I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate,” Biden said to Emerald City supporters, mentioning the Middle East and Russia as possibilities. “And he’s gonna need help. And the kind of help he’s gonna need is, he’s gonna need you - not financially to help him - we’re gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it’s not gonna be apparent initially, it’s not gonna be apparent that we’re right.”

Joe Biden seems to think that a President Obama would be up to the challenge. But this causes each of us to ask ourselves: “Do I think Obama would do well in such a crisis?” My answer: NO. I think he’d fold like a pup tent. He’d be another Carter floundering in a canoe.
Joe’s charming encounter with words was most unfortunate in calling up the memory of John Kennedy meeting his crisis.
Um…Joe? Barack Obama does not measure up well when compared with John Kennedy.
Kennedy, with his military background, strong on offense military, facing down the Russians over Cuba, confronting the Communists in Vietnam/Southeast Asia…John Kennedy would be kicked out of today’s Democrat Party.
But this is all background, to show why Joe Biden has been given a ‘time out’.
That ‘time out’, that hiatus must be filled. Joe’s an energetic guy-he needs to take action.
So here is my list of things Grandmaster Gaffe can do in the interim:
Get a haircut. (Ha ha ha ah ha!)
Practice his elocution: “Ain’t gonna say ain’t no more, gonna say isn’t or aren’t. Gonna gonna gonna.”
Peruse ‘The Wit and Wisdom of Winston Churchill’ for jokes he can ‘borrow’.
Go see a double feature of Max Payne and Beverly Hills Chihuahua. That little guy is nutz!
See if he can find Dick Cheney’s “Undisclosed Location”.
Find Waldo with Googlemaps.
More elocution: “President John McCain…Vice President Sarah Palin.”

You might (I doubt) be wondering about the title of this post. I pulled a Joe Biden. I ‘borrowed’ the title from one of Robert Benchley’s short humor pieces, which had to do with what to do when dining at a party alone, when guests on both sides of you are busy in other conversations. Good stuff.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Borat Obama

Because no one else made the connection. Or wanted to. It's an incurable for me: I laugh at things that aren't funny.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Am I Blue Or Red?

Quandary: I honestly don’t know who to support in this contest. The preliminaries are nearly over, and the Day is approaching. Am I Blue or Red?
As in: Dodger Blue or Red Sox Red? Here’s the deal:
I’ve been a Braves fan for years, and this season they under whelmed me to the point of not caring. I think it’s time for Bobby Cox to step out of the dugout and let someone younger manage the team. Some veteran players need to retire or move out of the way so that fresh talent has a chance.
Of the teams still in the hunt for the Championship, I have no affinity for the Phillies or the Rays. If they win, great, if not, ditto versa.
But should I cheer for the Dodgers or Sox? I like the Sox a lot. I like their teamwork, their toughness; Terry Francona has done an excellent job managing a very good team.
On the other hand is an outfielder’s glove, hand and glove belonging to Manny Ramirez. ‘Manny being Manny’ brought most of the flash and energy to Boston before Manny being Manny became unbearable. He’s got baseball talent dripping from his d-locks. And he may just carry the rest of the Dodgers (including two of my favorite former Braves, Andruw Jones and Rafael Furcal) to a World Championship.
Here’s the quixotic humor in baseball irony: the Red Sox were so willing to rid themselves of Manny Ramirez that they are paying his salary this year for the Dodgers. So Ramirez can beat his old team on their dime.
It may not happen, the teams are not yet set, and the Phillies and Rays may succeed. But I would love to see the Dodgers and Red Sox battling for W.S. pre-eminence.
With contemplation and in depth consideration, I think I want the Sox to win. Manny and the former Braves make cheering for L.A. tempting, but the Dodgers hired Joe Torre, and my distaste for all things Yankee is the decider. I am Red Sox Red. Play Ball!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

No Glass Plane

I have to be very careful here. I originally was planning a quite different post. Remember the finest television program of the 1970’s: “Wonder Woman”? It was ridiculously cheesy, with thin plots, crummy dialogue, and horrendous costumes. And Lynda Carter.
Wonder Woman had one tool which I’ve always wanted: a ‘golden lasso’ which would force anyone entangled in it to tell the truth. There was no dissembling, no evasion possible- once you were ‘in the loop’ you couldn’t help but spill any beans you were hiding, metaphorically speaking.
So I thought: make a picture of Wonder Woman holding the lasso while Senator Obama bean spills.
I was going to have a series of questions for Obama, but asking you, the kind reader, to answer the questions as you think Obama would answer them. I wouldn’t put words in his mouth, but I thought that however you imagined his answers would be interesting,
Problem: There are all kinds of sites with pictures of “Wonder Woman” but I don’t want FDW to be one of them. Too cheesy, or cheesecakey. Not proper for FDW.
So here we have Obama sharing poster space with DiCaprio and Crowe. Trust No One. Deceive Everyone.
I know little about the movie, but the tag line caught my attention.
It isn’t “partisan politics” which makes me distrust Obama. If he were a Conservative Republican with the same hidden backstory, same lack of accomplishments, I would not vote for him, be boosting him for President. If he were the Republican candidate, I would go Independent or sit on my hands.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been asked by the local Republican leadership if I would be willing to make phone calls for John McCain. I would feel like a hypocrite, asking others to support someone I can barely bring myself to vote for. I have not donated a dime this election to the RNC. If they want my money, they need to promote better candidates.
But back to Obama. Imagine that he is wrapped in that golden lasso of Wonder Woman. Imagine that he must answer truthfully every question he is asked. I have a few, and if you want to play, add questions in the comment section.

“Senator Obama, are you a Socialist?”
“Have you been working to create a Socialist America, replacing our Democratic political system?”
“Would you seek to weaken the defenses of the United States, disarm our military to the point where we can no longer defend ourselves?”
“Have you been lying to the American people about your past and what you intend for the future?”
“Senator Obama, have you no shame?”

Friday, October 10, 2008

Trust Not In Chariots, Y’all!

This is just a short post (we all hope) as I have just a few spare moments, but I wanted to post about the latest fun day on Wall Street, where the Economic Elevator is heading to the basement.
It’s a bargain basement, friends. And there is nothing to fear, ever.
I’m just a lowly office worker, but I pay attention. Crisis usually cause stampedes, and there are many people reacting to this financial crisis by stampeding, getting out of the market, moving to government bonds which are ‘safe’ or looking into selling pencils or apples on the street while dodging falling financiers.
Simple short answer: Stay right where you are and things will get better.
I hear a lot of people worrying about this financial mess; I trust in God, not markets, not banks or credit unions.
God is eternal, this world isn’t, so why worry? Unless, of course, you have rejected God-that might mean that it is indeed time to panic.
But it is better to have faith. We people of faith sleep better and laugh more. And our treasure awaits us in Heaven, where, thank God, it is beyond the ability of Government to tax or declare “windfall profits”.
Let not your hearts be troubled, friends. God is in His Heaven, and all is right with the world.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

David Lynch Ain’t Got Nothing On Me

Improper but not imprecise grammatically, the title of this post will hopefully become understandable in a moment. Which moment when for you?
David Lynch the filmmaker is an artist exploring the verb of duality, the artifice of art as it is involved in the real of reality. Even he may not know what his movies are about, but he knows how they make him feel, he knows how he reacts to what he has done as a filmmaker.
If he were a Christian, Lynch would have an entire new duality to explore, which bring us to the subject of this post.
In the world, but not of it. We are born here in sin; some of us are granted citizenship of Heaven through the work of Jesus Christ; but we are still living here, which makes us aliens on our own former shores. Here’s where the debate never abates:
What is it to be so earthly minded as to be no Heavenly good? We’ve heard the example used of a stained glass salt shaker-we are the salt of the earth, but we do no good at all if we stay in the shaker. We are intended to be out and about, mixing in the world although not becoming ‘worldly’, as when the salt loses its flavor, becoming good for nothing but to be trampled underfoot.
It is possible for good Christians to hermetically seal themselves off from the world. Not just Amish groups of families, either. With Christian home schooling, only playing with like minded Christian kids, going to a Christian college, becoming a Christian pastor/teacher/worker/store owner/admin/salesperson/etc. a Christian can go through their entire lives separated from the world. I am not mocking or picking on such Christians: if that is the path God has set for you, Praise God!
But such a Christian may not understand me, or the path I have been set on.
I am more worldly than some of my brethren and sistren. To them I may seem TOO worldly.
Have I been corrupted by the world? Read on.
I used to visit in a church that held that going to movies was too worldly. I’ve mentioned this before: it was a Big Deal when we went, against church regulations, to see “Chariots Of Fire” in a movie theater in the company of our pastor. We also were not supposed to ever play cards, according to that church…even though I played card games with one of the elder members most Saturday nights.
I have struggled with sin just the same as every child of God does. I have known the Blessings of God and His Grace, just as we all do who are called by His name. But I also am comfortable in this world in way which some will not understand. I not only know who David Lynch is, but I enjoy some of his work.
The duality we all struggle with: physically living and working here while awaiting the move to our true home in Heaven works itself out differently for each of us. I remain salt in a world that needs salt. I don’t worry about losing my flavor, or favor with God, as I feel that I am where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do. I haven’t nearly got all of the answers, but I am comfortable with the questions.
During my seven year sojourn in the desert of Las Vegas I never went to church, and did nothing for God’s kingdom. That ‘dry spell’ where I hardly prayed or opened the Bible is a part of my path, too. I don’t know why I ran from God, but I know that He has never been thwarted in any way, and eventually I returned to fellowship.
Have I been corrupted by the world? No-the world has been improved because God has left me here to improve it. I am in no more danger of losing my Salvation than I am of growing another arm or head.
We CAN lose our sanctification, which brings about the struggle of natures, which we fight every day.
I want to always be moving closer to God, be sanctified, but I often fail. I don’t blame the world for seducing me-that blame rests on me. But Praise God for His mercies never fail, His forgiveness happens more often than the seventy times seven squared into Eternity.
Friend, whatever path God has set you on, vaya con Dios. If He sets you making tents and preaching, or keeps you a simple fisherman, or an office worker slaving over a warm computer…go with God.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Post # 438, Believe It Or Don't!

“4 Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

I know that I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: Look at the order-to delight yourself in the LORD is to submit totally to Him, His Will, and in so doing, the desire of your heart will be met: to please God, to honor Him, to do what He would have you do.
Not your will in His name, not a rubberstamp for anything that comes into your head, or any foolishness you hear preached to you about “Prosperity”. God loves us too much to allow us to run wild in His name. Here’s an example:

“51When the days were approaching for His ascension, He was determined to go to Jerusalem; 52and He sent messengers on ahead of Him, and they went and entered a village of the Samaritans to make arrangements for Him. 53But they did not receive Him, because He was traveling toward Jerusalem. 54When His disciples James and John saw this, they said, “Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” 55But He turned and rebuked them, and said, “You do not know what kind of spirit you are of; 56for the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.” And they went on to another village.” Luke 9:51-53

James and John had cleansed lepers, healed in the name of Jesus, and felt confident that they could call down fire out of Heaven to singe those who were not respecting their Lord.
This was wrong, and Jesus rebuked them. You can estimate how big a fool a man might become by watching what he does with a little power.

If you have a dream, brother or sister in Christ, which you feel you should be doing, but it never seems to come to fruition…Loved one, you may be wrong. I’ve been wrong. I’ve had dreams of what I thought God wanted me to do…and I had to give up those dreams, as they kept me from actually being obedient to God. There was too much Doug and no Jesus in those plans. And they failed, as they should.
You may believe that God is preparing you for a mighty work…so you go ahead on your assumption instead of inquiring of God what He wants. Maybe He has better plans for you in this world; maybe the better plans await you in the next. Right now is only a short term, a few moments compared to Eternity.
What can we do? As I quoted in the last post: “10 “Cease striving and know that I am God” or, as it is in the better known KJV: “10 Be still, and know that I am God”. Trust that if you make a mess of your life, you have lots of company (we ALL fail!). But God is sure and unchanging, and will get us through the present crisis, just as He always has in the past. We may be humbled, we may lose our pride, we may feel His rebuke as James and John did, but that just makes it easier for God to fix what we break. Praise God for His Love, extended to His children!