Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Demetrius and the Liberals

Demetrius and the Liberals
Here is a fable to tickle your ears. Once upon a time there was a Liberal named Demetrius. He had written a book and launched a website declaring that the honorable President George W. Bush should be impeached, or at the very least hit in the face with a baseball bat until either the face or the bat gave way. This was on the honorable President George W. Bush’s second day in office. Demetrius was not successful with impeachment or the baseball bat, but he discovered that he had a goldmine on his hands with the book and website. Liberals flocked to the website and bought the book, Liberals bought the book and flocked to the website, and Demetrius couldn’t have been happier, if he weren’t so busy being miserable under the rule of the honorable President George W. Bush. Other Liberals also began websites and wrote books, but, rather than diminishing Demetrius’s business, the Liberals were pointing customers to Demetrius and each other, as critical mass for criticizing
the honorable President George W. Bush had not yet been reached.
But then something terrible happened for Demetrius-the honorable President George W. Bush
was beginning to be accepted by the Country, and fewer Liberals would click through to his site, and book sales began to plummet. Demetrius had counted on the hate of the Liberals to pay for his retirement in Ephesus, and now it looked like he would have to settle for Hoboken.
Demetrius knew that he had to act, so he called a meeting of the other book and site Liberals
and told them, “Brothers and sisters, we need to do something. We can’t all go back to running ‘warez’ sites - the Russian competition was killing us. We have a good product now, but we‘re failing in the marketplace as the honorable President George W. Bush, we must admit, isn’t too bad of a President.”
After the furor and epithets quieted down, Demetrius continued:
“There! That is exactly what I’m talking about! If we’re going to make it work, we need that fire to remain lit in the belly's of book buying Liberals everywhere! You know that our prosperity depends on this business.” “But how?” came a voice from the back of the room. Liberals turned and looked at the speaker, Michael Moore.
“If he is doing a good job, wouldn’t it be better for the country to get behind him and help move America forward?”
Demetrius motioned to Barbara Streisand, standing next to Moore, and she gave him (in the words of Hank Jr) ‘an attitude adjustment on the top of his head’. Moore’s eyes glazed over again.
“No matter how good he is doing,” Demetrius said, “The Gore machine would have done better, and we’d be on easy street right now, filling our Jacuzzis with subsidies and grants.
If we can convince the public that the honorable President George W. Bush is doing a terrible job, and that he should be hated, no matter why, we will continue our winning ways. All in favor?” In the Liberal tradition, they all assented by shouting “NAY” and a plan was formed.
Soon a news report couldn’t be seen without the word’s “Failed, evil, untrustworthy” being assigned to the honorable President George W. Bush. Newspapers touted his every imaginary fault as gospel truth. His appointments were demonized, his policies criticized, his critics hypnotized by their own words. Demetrius once again saw Ephesus looming in his future, as hating the honorable President George W. Bush was once more a land office business.
When America was attacked, the Liberals, out of respect for the nation and the honorable President George W. Bush held off on their hate policy for the minimum number of days, and then, because the honorable President George W. Bush had to act, they had even more ammunition of hate to fire at him, and the books and websites moved on from being goldmines to platinum.
No one was more pleased that the honorable President George W. Bush won re-election than Demetrius and his legion of Liberal thinkers. Every great story needs a great villain. Every movement needs a focus. Every Hate needs an object.
Then, as is wont to do, the tide turned, and once more the Country seemed to be heading towards accepting the honorable President George W. Bush.
Seeing that they needed to gin up the hate once again, Demetrius and his fellow travelers along the Liberal parade routes decided to demons-trait at a rally held in honor of the honorable President George W. Bush. They pushed their way to the front of the assembly, where all of the news outlets had focused their cameras.
“Bush Lied! Kids Died!”
“Don’t you dare say I’m not Patriotic!”
“We are the True Patriots! Death to Bush Now!”
Scott McClellan was sent out to quiet down the demonstrators.
“Please, Quiet, Please! No one has accused anyone of not being Patriotic.”
And the Liberal crowd shouted all the more, “We ARE the Patriots! Not You!”
“Long Live America! We ARE Patriots, no matter what Bush says!”
“But,” Said McClellan, “the honorable President George W. Bush has never accused Anyone of not being patriotic.”
“How dare you come out here with those lies! We Are the true Patriots! Bush Lied! Kids Died! Don’t you accuse us of not being Patriots!” And so it went for two hours, in front of the cameras of all the main stream media. McClellan was pulled back to safety before he could be torn apart by the crowd. The honorable President George W. Bush wanted to go out and meet with and try to reason with the Liberal furormakers, but it was decided that their seeing him might make things worse. So Condi Rice volunteered to go out and face the crowd. At the sight of her, the Liberals quieted, wanting to hear her say something they could shout down. She stood there, silent, until all eyes were focused on her, and then she said,
“Love. Love your country, love your fellow man, love yourselves. Be done with hate, don’t let it destroy you and soil your spirit. Just Love.” And with that, in the silence, she went back inside, and Demetrius went back to his ‘warez’.

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