Saturday, January 12, 2008


I spent the last half of my high school years making the transition from nice girl to bad girl in grand style, at least in my own estimation. I still managed to keep my grades up and have some sense for what it would take to get into a good college and make something of my life. But with all my extracurricular activities, I was certainly tempting fate as to whether I would make it there alive. My parents were at a loss when their little girl started staying out all night and coming home smelling of smoke and whatever. I managed to hide a lot from them and, quite frankly, I don't think they wanted to know or would have known what to do about me if they had confronted me. And I really didn't care much if I hurt them or not. I also continued, if you can believe it, to sing in a guitar mass at my church on Saturday afternoons. I don't know why, thinking back on it, and I guess my church didn't care if their worship people lived any sort of Godly life. Either that or I was better at hiding things than I thought. Practically as soon as I left mass, I would jump in a car to go to some party and drink and party half the night. I can't even imagine now living such a duplicitous existence. Imagine having such a seared conscience that you could be in church at four in the afternoon and within hours somewhere else doing any immoral thing you wanted without a moment of guilt. My girlfriends, whom I had always considered a lot looser than I and I also thought were all doing likewise, started to express shock at my blasé attitude regarding premarital sex and drugs. I just thought I was being very modern and liberated and fun!
I don't think I need to mention any more of the things I did during those years. Some of you are living that life right now and the rest of you can imagine what I'm talking about. During this time I met my husband-to-be, who would be quite mortified if I wrote about him in my blog, so I will forego any discussion of our life together during that time. I finished high school and made my plans to start college in the fall. College began and soon I discovered I was pregnant.
To be continued...

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