Monday, May 07, 2007

If You Can't Beat Them...Good News!

Top reasons to join Islam:

For Men:
Once you have become a Muslim, your odds of being killed by a Muslim decrease slightly. Only infidels will deserve horrible deaths, unless you’re one of those depraved Shia heretics, in which case
You Must Die! Die! Die!!! (Stabbing sounds)

You will enjoy the benefits of a strong economy; work will be plentiful with no women allowed to hold jobs, become educated, vote, etc.

Can’t stand the music of Elton John? Good news! He’s gay, so he will be beheaded! No more ‘Candle in the Wind’ interrupting your workday radio, which leads to:

Can’t find enough time to pray? Good News! Ordained prayer times throughout the day, week, month, year! These will replace the cigarette breaks you used to take when you were not yet perfected (Islamist).

Have trouble making up your mind? Good News! You local Imam can dictate your life to you, what you will do, who you can marry, all with the imprimatur of the Koran at his disposal to render decisions.

Do you believe that democratic, representational government for the people by the people is a breeding ground for Satan’s lies? Good News! Not only will your Grand Imam decide who runs your government, but there’s no need to ever show up at a polling station to vote! 3 day weekend, Buds! Unless you are one of those depraved Sunni heretics, in which case
You Must Die! Die! Die!!! (Stabbing sounds)

For Women:
Fewer decisions to make about what to wear. And those few decisions will be made for you by a man-husband, brother, uncle or father.

Getting your Mrs. Degree (the only one you will ever achieve) will bring about a happy, submissive life of absolute servitude to your husband. And no backtalk. Ever.

If I can think of any other reasons for women to join Islam, I'll add to this post before publishing.%2

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