Thursday, February 16, 2006

Ann Coulter For President! (less offensive title for post)

Okay Islamists! Your new day has begun! I am now telling you what to do, and if you resist, so help me Allah, right before you appear on CNN I will untie your head scarves and tie them back up again so they look just Horrible!
What do you think of THAT, Mohammed? I laugh at your beard which scares young backwards children! HAH!
As you think you can dictate to the West, I now DEMAND that you in Muslandia do things MY way, even though I am just one man who will never visit your countries, read your newspaper cartoons or vote in your fake elections.
If you do not bow to my wishes RIGHT NOW, you’re going to need Allah’s older brother and all of his shiftless friends to clean up the mess you will make on the floors while shaking in fear!
You may have done it all your lives, but you do not yet know the meaning of TERROR!
You see, allah stinkin bomb attacks and flag burnings you’ve done so far are just amateur night at St. Stevie’s Bingo Hall-you may be able to put thousands of bodies out on the streets yelpin and carryin on like they’re mad about somethin...but I got the Q-Bomb, baby, and I’m willing to use it!
First, a few lesser demands:

I hearby institute Sadie Hawkins Days to be held on John Wayne’s birthday in every Muslim country.
See if any woman given the free choice of chasing or running away FROM you will show up on your Radar.
If she chooses to run, she is free indeed, and never has to live in fear of you again. I’ll even set up schools and teach the women skills! Take that, Ahab!

I hearby declare that all political hotspots in Muslandia (Iran, Syria, France-you know who you are) be replaced with WiFi hotspots, so people can hook up to the ‘Net with decent speed, even when d/l the latest episode of “Lost”.

I demand that you give back the United Nations. No whining-I know it hasn’t been of much use to you, but it has sentimental value to me-Danny Kaye used to head UNICEF, and I loved him in “The Court Jester”!

My final demand for Today is the biggie. Oil, $20.00 a barrel. You can still make a profit, but will no longer be the tool turning the hexnuts of the world’s economy. $25.00 a barrel if you invest in educating your populations in how to make Peace instead of War-and I’ll be judging honest effort. Keep on hating and me and my Q-Bomb will have you wishing you could get .25 cents a barrel for that stuff!

So take heed, you unworthies who do not even know how to dress for the Theater! I can get pretty darned ticked off, and my finger is just a few feet away from the Q-Bomb at all times; so make my day, or I’ll remake yours Forever.

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